Monday, February 2, 2009

Story of an “Almost” Born

(This is faction (facts and fiction), the onus is on the reader to filter the message for consumption and throw away the unwanted versions into the mind’s bin.)

My name is unknown because I was unable to cross from the heavens to earth. Sometimes I wonder what I would have been called. A name probably befitting my royal exit from heaven but I never made it to earth. I almost did! I inhaled a little mishmash air of earth but as I was about to savour earth’s air, I was cut short by death’s unfriendly call. The members of heaven wept profusely for my immediate entry and exit. My earthly friends were happy about my coming but little did they know that their smiles will be short lived.

My mother, now in heaven, told me not to tell the earth about my experience; she said the earth is wicked and that I will only earn my self more abuses. I refused! “I must report to mother earth what her children have done to me”, I told my mother. She begged me, amidst her heavy and lonely tears still I refused. She cries daily. Everyday, she shed tears. She died with pains. She tells me that even the memory of the incident makes the pain increase. She asks me: “how can you feel pain in heaven?” Such questions are too hard to answer. As such, I decided to tell earth about their wickedness. They may probably have an answer to such pains. I wish earth receives this information for their candid judgment. If only you (earth) can see my mother’s swollen eyes? If only you can see how tears have numbed my mother? She cries and laughs in pain. My effort to come into earth brought her death. It pains me. I wept. I weep. I am still weeping! I caused it! How?

About many moons ago, my mother was nine months pregnant (I can’t calculate in earthly times).Patiently and “labourly” waiting for my entrance. In the middle of the night, she was feeling very heavy and was ready to drop me onto earth. The other mothers in the house ran to call the village matron who has helped to deliver many children in my village. The elderly woman ran in slow meticulous steps into our house where my mother was laying on the ground in pains. A wall gecko in the cracked corner of our house nodded seven times and seven times did my mother screamed. The village matron came in with her bush lamp; it came with odours of different rooms in my village. She came with other women to assist her. The women surrounded my mother, one by the hand, one by the head and the village matron was in front of the vulva to help bring me to earth. Moths disturbed their ears and I laughed. It was funny how they attempted to kill the moths; the way their hands flew in the air, in an attempt to kill these disturbing insects, had an element of humour. The village matron, in her local dialect, told my mother to push. She screamed, screamed and screamed, “Yeahmmmmnnnn!!!” then, suddenly, all the women would hear was, “plop”, I came out with my leg first. The women all screamed in unison, “abomination!” This is impossible! This is a curse! They ran out to tell my dad about my misstep. The only way I could be saved was for me to be taken to an orthodox hospital. To be brought out by a professional. My father hissed and said “I no go anywhere, so that one man go dey look my wife yansh? Lai lai!” he further said, “my God and religion forbids that kind of rubbish, make una leave them there to pay for their sins”, he said.

My mother was in pains, she cried for help but none came. All I could do was to swing my leg back and forth, it was fun. Little did I know that mother and child were on there way to extinction! Ha! My mother was in pains! She could not close her legs because my leg was in between her legs. She wailed, “help!”. Nobody came. Everybody around were busy muttering bitter nothings. She was left there and the evening flies tickled my legs. I moved the leg again. Again, she screamed, “yeeee!” The wall gecko tried to help by killing the flies, so it crawled on my mother’s vagina to eat up all the flies that were swarming my bloody legs. It waited there and made sure that no insect came around. It heard my mother’s cry and it nodded again. We were left helpless because of religion and beliefs! I was left there till my leg got swollen, thus, causing my mother’s vagina to swell. She could not scream again, she had lost so much blood; therefore, the strength waned drastically. She stayed painfully quiet. She fought and lost the battle with death. She fought! And she died……….. I could have been on earth too but I died too……….. almost got there…….

Now in heaven, she is still in extreme pains. What can I do?


  1. i like ur disclaimer at the beginning of the post, and i think i can figure out which is fact, and fiction.

    many deaths have been caused by such traditional myths.

  2. disclaimer or no disclaimer
    myth or fact
    there is no pain in heaven!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Awwww. Well written, again. :)

  4. wow...that was a powerful rendition of 'faction'
    You write beautifully mikey...if it actually was originally written by you.

  5. This is a powerful one...

    somehow it shows humor in a time of pain...

  6. very poweful indeed, thanls for stopping by my blog, as said before there is no pain or suffering in heaven, I like ur writing style.

  7. wow, i can't really write anything i would deem worthy here. Beautifully written story Mike. Thankyou for your comment also, the video was embarrasing to put up but i'm content with it now lol :)

  8. hmmm such stories are so well yours!

    Hey first time here...came from Afronuts page.

  9. oh my, I was almost in tears while having a graphical image of the story..( my poor mind) Beautifully writtem i must say but
    OH my!!! Ignorance....

  10. This is powerful!
    You write very well
    I feel sad( even if it was a fiction).....that many people, ( women, men and children) have lost thier lives due to people's erroneous beliefs.
    I was really imaagining what the woman was going though..........
    Interesting blog

  11. Thank you so much for the wonderful comment you gave to my blog. :) I really appreciate it!
    By the way, you should post more. :) And, I hope someday you will have your own book! Yay! I want to buy it!

  12. Hello Mike!

    What a great pleasure to know your blog. I always happy to make new friends and meet new people. Thanks a lot for passing at my blog and hope to see you soon!

    a kiss and a hug for you,
    from Brazil,

  13. A most touching write up. We are lucky, aren't we? I could easily have been a victim of that but thank God for his grace in sparing us from the wicked whims of tradition and insane beliefs. I doubt if we still have such practices anymore though.